Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
