Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
