I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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