I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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