matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
