Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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