It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
