I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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