i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
