ugly people sure do ruin things
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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