I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
