whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
