now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
they need to just BURY HIM!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
