so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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