So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
