I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
