Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
