after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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