So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
