i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
