guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
