his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize