I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
