ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
