pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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