not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
