but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
