So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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