I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
