His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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