Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
