Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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