you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
