is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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