I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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