Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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