What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
