Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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