ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
