Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
