OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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