I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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