I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
