the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
