is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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