There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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