Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
