I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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