How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
