nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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