I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
