I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Four minutes until I can fart!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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