before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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