@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
