thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
