Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
