Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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