now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
