Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
