I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
