she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
