So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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