Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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