I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
