im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
