i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
