hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
