I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Someone signed my nipple.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize