She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
