I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
