I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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