Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
