Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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