got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
