She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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