If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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